Massage oils, candles and creams: an intimacy guide
A massage is one of the easiest ways to slow down and get close, whether it leads anywhere or not. You don't need training, just a warm room, something with a little glide, and time. Here's how to choose what to use and how to set it up.
Start with three questions
- Oil, candle or cream? Oil gives a long, slow glide. A massage candle melts into warm oil, so it doubles as mood lighting. Creams and lotions are less messy and soak in faster.
- Scented or unscented? Scent sets the mood, but fragrance is also a common cause of skin irritation. If either of you has sensitive skin, start unscented.
- Will you use condoms afterwards? Oil breaks down latex. If condoms are part of your plans, read the section on condoms below before you choose.
Oil, candle or cream: how they compare
| Type | Examples | Good for |
|---|---|---|
| Massage oil | Foria Intimacy Massage Oil with Organic Botanicals ($49.99), Kama Sutra Aromatic Massage Oil Serenity ($23.99), Sliquid Massage Oil Unscented ($34.99) | Long, slow, full-body massage |
| Massage candle | Kama Sutra Massage Candle Vanilla Sandalwood ($30.99), Kama Sutra Massage Candle Island Passion ($30.99), Shunga Massage Candle 5.7 oz. Sparkling Strawberry Wine ($24.95) | Warmth and atmosphere; the candle melts into massage oil |
| Cream or lotion | Wicked Stripped + Bare Sensual Massage Cream 4.0oz ($21.99) | Less mess, sinks in faster, good for hands and feet |
| Massage glide | JO All In One Massage Glide Warm Embrace 4oz ($32.99) | Silicone-based rather than oil-based |
| Massage foam | Love to Love Tickle My Body Massage Foam 150mL Monoi ($29.95) | Something playful: it fizzes on the skin |
Massage candles, safely
A massage candle isn't an ordinary candle. It's made from oils and butters that melt at a low temperature, so the pool can be poured onto skin.
- Burn it for the time the label gives, usually 5 to 20 minutes, until a pool of oil forms.
- Blow it out before you pour. Never pour while it's lit.
- Test the temperature on your own wrist first, then pour a little into your hand rather than straight onto your partner.
- Never use wax from an ordinary candle on skin. It burns at a much higher temperature.
- Don't leave a lit candle unattended, and keep it away from bedding and curtains.
Patch test first
Massage products touch a lot of skin, so test new ones before you use them all over:
- Put a small amount on the inside of the forearm and wait 24 hours.
- Redness, itching, bumps or a burning feeling mean don't use it.
- If a reaction starts during a massage, wash it off with mild soap and cool water and stop using the product.
Allergies: read the ingredients
Many massage oils use nut and seed oils. Foria Intimacy Massage Oil with Organic Botanicals ($49.99) contains sweet almond oil, for example, and Sliquid Massage Oil Unscented ($34.99) is made with nut and seed oils. If either of you has a nut allergy, read the full ingredient list on the label before buying, and ask your doctor if you're unsure. Essential oils and fragrance can also irritate sensitive skin.
Oil and condoms
- Oil damages latex and polyisoprene condoms. It can make them weaken or tear without you noticing.
- If you plan to use latex condoms after a massage, wash the oil off hands and genitals first, or choose condoms made from polyurethane or nitrile, which are compatible with oil.
- Many massage creams are oil-based too. Wicked Stripped + Bare Sensual Massage Cream 4.0oz ($21.99) is fragrance-free and oil-based, so the same rule applies.
- Silicone-based glides don't break down latex, but they can damage silicone toys.
More on what works with condoms and toys in our lube guide.
Inside the body: only if the label says so
Most massage oils, candles and creams are for external use only. Never use them inside the vagina or anus unless the label says the product is made for intimate or internal use. Sliquid Massage Oil Unscented ($34.99), for example, is labelled for external use only.
If you'd like one bottle for both, look for a product sold as a massage oil and a lubricant, such as Love to Love Touch My Body Massage & Lubricant Ylang Ylang ($49.95), and check its label. Otherwise, keep a separate lube on the bedside table.
How to set up a massage
- Warm the room first. Cold skin tenses up, which is the opposite of what you want.
- Protect the bed. Oil stains sheets, so lay down an old towel or a sheet you don't mind marking.
- Warm the oil in your hands before it touches skin. Start with a small amount and add more as you go.
- Go slow. Long, even strokes, using your palms more than your fingertips. Ask what feels good.
- Avoid pressing hard on the spine, the neck, the backs of the knees, or anywhere that's sore or injured.
- Afterwards, wipe off the extra oil with a warm cloth, and be careful in the shower or bath: oily feet slip on tiles and tubs.
Quick answers
Can I use massage oil as lube? Only if the label says it's made for intimate use, and not with latex condoms if it contains oil. Otherwise, use a separate lube.
Is a massage candle hot? It shouldn't feel hot. It melts at a low temperature, but always blow it out and test it on your wrist before pouring.
How do I get massage oil out of sheets? Blot it, then wash with a strong dish soap on the stain before laundering. Treat it as soon as you can.
Will it arrive discreetly? Yes. Every order ships in plain packaging. See discreet shopping.
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